No More, Mr Nice Guy is a book about stopping being stepped on by others. It’s a book about getting what you want and stopping being so people-pleasing or “nice”. I will write a little summary of the book. The book includes many more points, and this post briefly examines the content. If you want to know more about the no more Mr Nice Guy syndrome, check out Dr Robert Glover’s homepage and buy his book.

NO MORE MR NICE GUY:

There are many nice guys, – because Western society has a lot of females in kindergarten and schools. Many single mothers and young boys are raised as “nice”. There is nothing wrong with doing nice things – but he looks at the underlying intentions and motivations, the shadowy reasons behind this behaviour. 

1. Being nice because of the Belief that EVERYTHING will be smooth”: 
This is a naive belief that being friendly means your life will be without ANY trouble. The problem is that the belief is inaccurate; it is impossible to get liked by everybody, not to have problems etc. 

2. The reason for NICE is often because of childhood: If you had an overly critical father – a solution to avoid criticism is to be nice… and this trait continued in adult life. If you had a needy mother – you were conditioned to care for her, not realizing she missed the point of being an integrated parent. And a nice guy may search for Damaged girls as partners as adults. 

3. The nice guy wants to FIX everything,” which may tie into the above. He wants to fix girls, his friends, and the neighbour’s TV. He wants to help everybody. Help people move etc. 

4. What you portray outwards doesn’t reflect the inside: The Nice Guy (NG) may say that everything is ok, smile, be polite, and be nice to people. But simultaneously, he may be angry, jealous, mad, and frustrated. 

5. nice guys don’t get their needs met: instead of stating what you want and being honest&direct, they go around and “hope” that someone returns their favour”. They only have ONE` strategy in life, and it’s “Nice”.

6. NG doesn’t want to be selfish: Thinking about one own needs scares the NG. They prioritize others’ needs before their own. The idea of thinking about yourself is life-threatening to the NG.

7. Mr Nice Guy operates with covert contracts:

He can ONLY be nice. Being direct and honest is out of the question – so when he does not get favours in return – his reaction is to whine, complain and be passive-aggressive. “they SHOULD have known,” even if he never stated anything directly and honestly about his needs. 

8. Nice guy doesn’t express EMOTIONS because of the wrong belief that if he does, people will get pissed, but what HAPPENS is that he suppresses emotions and ends up exploding one day, or at least misses out on having a healthy emotional life. 

9. The nice guy HIDES his flaws: because of the belief that he must be perfect. His parents might have been more interested in him -performing- than him having value just as a human being. This conditioning from childhood carries on into adulthood. Not realizing that people connect with flaws, people don’t like people who stand out as “perfect“, and being vulnerable is a good thing. Showing you how you are is the only way, not being you and hiding 24/7. – This leads to toxic shame

10. Some nice guys may have critical parents and have toxic shame because of it: 
Toxic shame is when a child naively thinks their parents are “correct” in being critical, not understanding THEY are too critical. So the child integrates this critic into the core of his being – thinking and deeply believing that he is broken and defective. He is “finding evidence” for this belief by looking at how he swore, stole, or fought at high school. 

11. Many Nice guys give enormous power to women: Since single mothers have often raised them, it was essential to please this woman as a child’s life or death. And pleasing women and letting them define who they are in adult life. 

Nice guys need to practice setting boundaries. Some even believe that the pushing will stop by letting them be pushed. This is not the case; you gain respect by setting boundaries and being aware of those. Nice guys must embrace masculinity. And masculine traits include competition, survival instincts, discipline, motivation, accuracy, power, influence and sex drive etc.

Some Nice guys are being defined too much by women – and some have a monogamous relationship with their mothers. This is an unconscious bond, where the boy didn’t “individuate”. The solution to this is hanging out with male friends, which is also a solution to finding masculinity. Join exercise, sports, poker nights, jogging and other events with men, discussion groups or “hang together”.

Also, it will be helpful if you can bond with your father…