Taking initiative to social gatherings

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Let’s assume that you have the fundamentals in order by being well groomed with good hygiene and are friendly/positive to be around. This thread is mostly about “making contact” with regards to friends etc, and not come across needy or weird, It also is about increasing your odds to get contact.

When you contact a person – let’s say on Facebook – there should be some previous connection. Places to gain contacts include Vorspiels, nightclubs, friends of friends, classmates, people at work etc.

befriending people, facebook friends - Taking iniative to social gatherings

Common theme: When befriending people, and becoming known to them, it is always best to follow the famous “staircase model”. One step at the time, slowly and gradually. So when you’re at a party, talking with people, after some hours – It is natural to ask people if you can add them as friends on Facebook.  To be “safe” you can wait an hour or two and then add them. (Friendship is not dangerous, and most people are open to it)

Future projection and Prep talk: Talk to the person about how you like to be spontaneous, or that you will poke them a day, send an SMS, give a call, and that’s how you operate. Prepare them for what is to come, with saying that you have taco nights or game nights (alias, buzz, cards against humanity, Catan – are good games). Preparing them makes it appear more natural when the time comes when to call them, invite them over, or ask to visit them to see a movie.

Future projection, -Taking iniative to social gatherings

If they’re busy, remember to answer that also. If you ask someone to hang out, and they say they can’t – it’s lame to not answer back, and be silent (it seems like you are moody). The solution is to have a nonchalant and positive answer like “another time mate!”

Also, when you take initiative, it’s smart to allow them to plan. For example, if you ask “Hi wanna hang during the week?” it’s more likely they answer, “yeah I can on Wednesday.” This is not being needy, needy is asking “Wanna hang?” each day. It’s often easier to be spontaneous with people that you either know well or that have an open/outgoing personality. This is something you find out with your pep talk.

There is also a scale between new friends (soon to be friends) and old friends. For new friends, it’s better to arrange something attractive, like a taco night because they see that you have a “party/group” that they can join, they come into your world. If they don’t come, you still have others people to hang with. For old friends, “just hang out” works fine.

party, hang out, taco night, social proof - Taking iniative to social gatherings

Asking for Snapchat has many benefits as chatting on the snap is low key, compared to calling someone. After collecting peoples Snap’s, which is best to do when you have them face to face, you start “documenting” your social life. This works well because the newbies always see you with other people (social proof).

And if you have prep talked them – and send a chat on the snap – “Hey, I am having a taco night today -like I mentioned the other day- It would be cool if you joined! “  If there is a “long time no see” period, you can contact the person because of reasons – If they have had a birthday, make contact private on Facebook, saying congratulation and start some talking from there. Or if someone has changed their profile picture, or have posted a funny/exciting picture of a face, use that opportunity to get in contact. another reason may be because you accidentally bumped into them ” haha, it was so crazy to suddenly see you today, long time, no see”

Make contact, send a chat, snap - Taking iniative to social gatherings

Invites gives options/friends because of previous snaps (my story’s) And it is friendly – You are offering something of value to another person, being friendly/polite/inviting. And you probably request it. When this person, and maybe some few other newbies join you take a snap with them also (after a few hours). And the ones that couldn’t make it, will see that you are having a good time with people.

When people invite you to gatherings, and you can’t make it, ALWAYS say thank you for the invitation. Look for sentences like, “glad you asked. Would love to join another time” when people like you, but can’t make it. There is a risk that some people may not like you. It’s a chemistry thing.  What they would do is probably say they are busy, and not say “thanks, mate, another time”! They would be more short in answering.

Answering short is also something you can do to people you don’t like. If somebody is always busy and don’t say “I’m sorry, another time” or “have fun” or any of those things. Move on. Never chase. You only want people who want to be around you. – But this is something you really should notice BEFORE even asking for Facebook and snap.

invitations, be busy, facebook, snap - Taking iniative to social gatherings

Sexual agenda:  What I am talking about here, has nothing to do with sex! It’s purely social. I personally like to make a distinction between romance and friends/social networking. Friends and networking, and having social gathering is one thing you do, and don’t contact your FB (friend with benefits) to this (she can see your snaps from the events that are ok). And you don’t “hit” on any of the girls.

When it comes to pick up and sex, “attract/seduce/pickup people OUTSIDE your social network: tinder, nightclub, other people’s parties. Don’t think too much of attracting and picking up girls in a social network, it can be a mess if you are a “chaser”/seducer. It’s so typically AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) to get a crush on female friends because they don’t have abundance and other options. They are not used to having sex, so when they are around females (inside their own social group) they think too much about sex.

AFC, be yourself, positive person - Taking iniative to social gatherings

Other things to consider: never backbite or spread rumors. Avoid people who suck energy. If somebody contacts you that you don’t like, just say you are busy. Be yourself, a positive person who spreads joy and humor. We mention tools and therapy on our side that will help you feel abundance, like CBT and TRE.

Another concept is Ghost people and ghost activities:

You can ask a person for an example on Facebook: “Hey I am driving to Centrum to eat some lunch, want to join? If they say yes, you meet them in centrum to eat lunch. If they are busy, you can do other things (an example of ghost activity).

Ghost friends: This is risky! “Hey, we are a group of people who are having a party at my place. And the trick is to say this to maybe 10- 20 people. the chances of SOMEBODY joining is really high, and gets higher because of your “ghost friends” – this is also known as a placebo. Somewhere you need to start to get the ball rolling.

social level, social networks, different groups - Taking iniative to social gatherings

The male friends you have should be around your same level (social level) If there is too much of a gap – you may experience that they get jealous of you.  And don’t introduce people to your “gangs” if they may cause trouble, like chasing girls. It is also good to have different social networks. Be part of for example two different “gangs” without trafficking with people between the two different groups.

Considerate if you are dealing with an SMS or Phone person. More shy people like SMS, more outgoing people can handle a call. Remember to see after patterns, who calls you back and who “need time” on SMS? Also, never take more than ONE initiative at the time.  Call ONE time, and then leave it, until they respond.

Understanding other’s needs:  Instead of suggesting what you want to do, suggest things that seems attractive to the other people. This ties in together with listening: When you listen you gather information, what do they like to do? what type of people do they like to be around, and what type of topic do they like to talk about? Use this information to plan better. Also remember that people will like you, if you validate them, that THEY seem important/cool/smart.

understanding others need, listening, create an event - Taking iniative to social gatherings

The order you invite people in can matter. Some people become more interested in coming to your event depending on who will be there. For example, guys will come if they see girls or their friends are coming.

If you are making an event on Facebook, you can talk to people on messenger first – saying “I am having an event. Want to come?” The ones you KNOW will come can be called “the first wave.” Often, these are people who like or know you the best. After figuring out who is coming, create an event on Facebook for example – And then invite all the people you have conversed “one on one” with. The reason here is the “witness” effect (social proof) – Get the first wave of the event first. Remember to tell them to click the “coming” button Facebook, so you and others can know who is coming.

the witness effect, social proof, friends, event created at facebook - Taking iniative to social gatherings

Now, the ones you are inviting (the first wave) will all, surprisingly, click the “coming” button on Facebook. This is good. So when you invite the other people “the second wave” people you don’t know too well, or are not sure will come. Will see/witness that other invited people have already clicked “yes”/Coming. This increase the odds of them coming. An example would be guys that will come because of girls are there from the first wave. or they have some friends there, from the first wave.

A bonus of doing this successfully is that people will understand that YOU are the guy who can gather people. Since you have done it before and can do it again, people will now put their trust in you and will join your event without thinking twice about it the next time. One of the “reasons” for talking to people one on one, is to find out what is the best time. Ask “Is there a day next week that is better? ” and then you can pick that day that works best for people.

To compare, imagine you are inviting a bunch of people and everybody can SEE that nobody is coming. That’s why it is smart to talk to people “one on one” and discover who wants to come. THEN get invited to a group/site/event created on Facebook, where everybody is witnessing everything. See if your friends find this article intriguing share it with them.

6 comments on “Taking initiative to social gatherings

  1. Pingback: CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -

  2. Lasiter

    Spot up for this write-up, I seriously believe this website needs a whole lot much more consideration. Ill apt to be once much more to learn additional, appreciate your that information.

    Reply
  3. Teller89

    hey 🙂

    Do you have any tips on how to get well-liked around people? Have you had any experiences or experiences yourself?

    Reply
    1. Dating Guru

      Yes! I have planty of tips. – The best tip is probably to give people validation. to listen to people. Since everybody loves to listen to their own voice! Yes- i have plenty experiences of being well liked. Its easy if you are relaxed, and use a lot of positive words, such as: Comfortable, trust, kind, joy, laugher etc. Then you will give out positive vibes, you will shine 🙂

      Reply

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