Learn how to stop being needy
If you have ever wondered what dating and flirting games are, it can be summed up with three words: don’t be needy! This is one of the most important concepts to understand when flirting with girls. First off, you need to understand what it is to be needy. The word implies that you need somebody in your life. It expresses that you are dependent on them. This is a different nuance than wanting someone. It’s OK to want something and have desires, but you don’t need them. It is not so important that your life depends on it. Being needy is the same as being desperate.
There are many reasons why a person may become needy very fast.
It is common for guys and girls to get needy when they are new in the dating game. A person new to dating and has little experience may think getting attention from the opposite sex is super important. With experience, you realize that dates come and go. There is plenty of potential partners for you out there. You start to develop what is called an abundance mentality. This is where you realize that there is plenty of options for you.
Another reason some people get needier than others is their level of fundamentals. If they don’t score high on the combination of looks and attitude, which we call fundamentals, they may fall into the scarcity mentality. A good-looking guy, for example, has often experienced girls being interested in him more than an average-looking guy. If this is your experience, it’s easier to let go of one girl and believe a new girl will soon come.
The primary source of being needy and burdensome probably comes from childhood issues. If your childhood was not perfect and you had attachment issues, it’s expected to be needier. If you did not get all the love you deserved as a child, you miss it into adult life too. You keep wanting love, craving for it and longing for it. Here is a hunger and a need that is not met or satisfied. It is essential to be aware of these things. Because being needy is never attractive. The solution to these issues is not to seek fulfilment from other people. The solution is to feel more whole and balanced by going to therapy or self-help.
Now you understand that being needy is unhealthy, and you have been informed about where it might have come from.
Since it might take some time to fix your neediness issue, you have to pretend not to be needy in the meantime—people in balance show specific behaviour that demonstrates that they are not needy. Either recover from your issues with therapy or fake your behaviour to pretend that you are all balanced. I would strongly recommend fixing your neediness with therapy and, while this is going on, behaving in a non-needy way.
Realize that showing interest is a matter of degrees. And it can be divided into this scale, where we go from most interest to slightest interest. The highest degree is being needy or desperate, then being interested, then curious and lastly, neutral. We have disinterest, resentment, and hate on the other side of the scale. But these feelings don’t belong in a dating situation. When you meet a new person, you are ideally neutral, become curious, and, finally, interested. But you never get needy. So the word Non-needy includes all the words mentioned above: neutral, curious and interested, except needy!
You have to understand that it is natural to move from neutral to interested because time has passed by and because the girl/boy has shown you different traits and qualities you like. For a girl, being interested when you say hello to her feels unnatural. In her mind, you don’t have any «reason» to like her. Do you like her just because she is a girl? Or, what could be the reason why she had not spoken anything to you? Many guys make the mistake of liking a girl too much BEFORE they have even talked anything to her.
Girls can NOTICE this with subtle signs such as being very eager to impress or responding to SMS and text immediately.
Guys can notice this also, but the problem is more widespread in guys. For example, it is necessary to buy her attention by buying drinks. This is called supplication and does not work. Girls don’t respond well to this. Some girls may like to be given money and gifts, but it is because of them, NOT because of you. Girls who misuse guys who don’t understand this is called «gold diggers». Don’t go into the supplication trap. Instead, Aim to become an attractive guy.
Now, I have to mention. There are always some people who take things too far. They understand that being non-needy is critical, so they start to play hard to get. This can go wrong if you don’t know what you are doing. For example, if a girl acts like they dislike the guy, the guy will not dare to progress any further. The same can happen if a guy acts like they are disinterested. This often backfires because no girl wants a guy who dislikes her. This will often lead to something called auto-rejection. Where she rejects you before she THINKS you will reject her. Most people don’t like criticism and rejection; keep that in mind. The nuance here is to be either neutral or curious instead of interested right off the bat.
A neutral person answer question in a calm manner, not overly excited. Are not afraid of losing the girl. A curious person asks questions like he has not decided yet what he thinks. He may ask qualification questions like; are you good at cooking? Do you exercise regularly? Do you read books? And so on. With these examples in mind, it tells a girl that he is either neutral or curious. Girls can figure these things out by looking at their body language.
Fake non-needy and real non-needy.
Being real non-needy is the best category; the next best thing is to be fake non-needy. Since demonstrating non-needy works, being fake non-needy can be classified as a «game». Since it is fake and an act, people will keep using I as long as it gives people results. There is also a nuance in fake non-needy. Depending if the girl understands you are fake or believes in your game. This is why girls need to test guys to find out if you are real. The goal is to make her believe that you are non-needy, which is easier if that is the truth.
In the beginning, the most crucial thing is hiding signs that can be interpreted as directly needy.
Avoid answering an SMS right away. Don’t write long text and a lot of smileys. Instead, ask one question, write shorter sentences in the beginning, and tone down the use of smileys. Don’t answer the phone right away; wait some minutes before answering. See my post about the SMS game. https://abundance7.com/the-sms-game/
If you are on a date, asking some questions is lovely. You don’t have to smile all the time. One of the most excellent tips out there is to focus on being curious. Try to find out the other person and what they are all about. If you are talking to a person online, you can say after some questions back and forth that you would like to meet her because you want to find out more about her. Here you showed curiosity in your interest level when asking her out. In this case, it will be more tempting for her to say yes. Girls don’t want overly interested guys; they want curious guys.
Your role is to go from neutral to curious to finally interested. Do not ever move into neediness or desperation. The girl’s role is to start by being neutral, curious, and interested if you follow the regular flirting route. This is the ideal scenario between two people. After spending more time together, everything goes well. Then you can show more interest. It’s expected that both will gradually become more interested in each other at a specific tempo. The key here is that it should be mutual.
Guys will blow out if they move too fast on the interest scale described above. This sounds easy. Well, the puzzle is more complex than that. This is the rhythm you follow if everything is ideal. To make things more ideal, you need a lot of fundamentals down in dating. Read more about how to get the basics in dating here: https://abundance7.com/the-basics-in-dating/.
Get better fundamentals
Get better fundamentals, as this allows you to show more interest. For example, a perfect-looking guy with a great personality and a lot of experience doesn’t need a «game» to get a girl. He may even get away with saying and doing stupid things. The same is valid for girls; the better they look, the more attention they get from guys. Your goal should be to raise your fundamentals and style as much as possible. The resources and posts on this web page are all about this. Then it will be easierssible, natural and fun for you to go on a date being curious about your date!