By guest author David.
Beat jealousy by reading this article. Jealousy is obviously a bad feeling to experience. Jealousy can be divided into two categories. First, the kind that is based on actual facts. Second is the kind that is based on suspicion or little “evidence”.
If your partner is cheating, you want to find it out. Is there anything to watch out for here?
Well. Another nuance here is that you may end up paranoid without any proof. Symptomatic jealously creates the idea that your partner behaves morally wrong, cant behave and acts unethically behind your back. This very description can fit the paranoid scale.
So your mental health is at stakes here. I want to be very clear. This post is for those of you that have a problem with these issues. And understand at some level that it is out of portions.
The first thing to understand is that IF your partner is unfaithful, it will always come up, sooner or later. It always will.
Rule nr 1: Never chase jealously
The first rule to follow is that evidence will present itself to you; you don’t need to look for evidence. If you start to look for evidence might end up chasing a ghost. You want to find something that is not there. Sooner or later, your mind will find “something”. This is how the mind works. But this “something” you will see, will not be REAL evidence. It will only build suspicious and might end with you KEEP looking, breaking rule nr 1. in cognitive bias, this keep chasing your conviction is called “confirmation bias“.
The very ACT of chasing jealousy will create those feelings. You have to understand that there is a connection between behaviour, thoughts and feelings. So thinking about it and doing specific actions will “feed the monster”. It might grow to something big that is almost impossible to control if this continues—examples of things NOT to do.
NEVER spy on your partner. If you check their phones, follow them and install cameras etc. This will only be reinforcing jealous feelings in you because your mind knows the reason you do it. The mind has to rationalize your actions backwards and create the thought that you do this because of the feelings. If you do such things, you will also bring up feelings of jealousy.
Rule nr 2: Trust is always better than control and suspicion.
Acting controlling is never an alternative. It is unattractive, and you feed the control troll. This is a part of yourself that will only grow and get more significant if you provide it. It is unattractive for other people. The jealous person is the one who should work on him or herself. Your partner can’t be bothered because of your problem. Even if your partner is thinking about being unfaithful, controlling behaviour will push a partner over the edge. Trust is always better and is the only way this will work out. Trust will also create sympathy/empathy if a partner is in a tempting situation and will back out because of the trust.
Rule Nr. 3: Be open about your insecurities and jealousy.
Be open about it. Say “I have insecurities” around this, this is hard and problematic for me. It would help if you expressed that this is about you, not your partner. Framing it this way will make it easier for you partner to understand you. If your partner denies, you don’t know if it is because they are innocent or because they lie? Here you brake rule nr 1, 2 and 3. Also, if you have these feelings, your partner will notice. And if you are not honest about it, they might wonder what you are hiding from them? It is very recommended to talk with friends about it, ventilate with somebody you trust.
Rule nr 4: Work on your self-esteem to beat jealousy
Jealousy tends to come because of not feeling good enough, or the feeling of not deserving love. This ties together with self-esteem. Often it comes from family history and attachment styles. TRE, EFT and hypnosis may help you address your self-esteem. see our self-help section: https://abundance7.com/category/self-help/
Rule nr 5: Jealousy is often a projection.
Have you thought about being with somebody else? Look at your previously relations ship and look for a pattern. Have you always found something wrong with your partner? Then it would help if you learned more about attachment style. You could, for example, have an avoidant or an anxiety attachment style. This ties together with rule nr 4. Work on yourself. Release all triggers from the past and go deep. Also, I would recommend hypnosis.
Rule nr 6: Adjust your expectation and rules.
Understand that your “views” on what is not ok, may not be what the rest of the worlds see as ok. for example, some people don’t let their partners get out of the house. This is just wrong, and not the way to beat jealousy. Here the trick is to adjust their internal rules, reduce it some notch down. Talking openly yo socially adapt friends will often help you with this. I hope that you WANT to strive for a great character, this is more important for you then to “have control”. See rule nr 2.
Rule nr 7: The map is not the territory.
The mind tends to look for the worse. There may be a thousand explanations to your situation. different nuances. Read more about CBT. Remember when you thought the worst, and AFTERWARDS, you later found out that the case had a natural explanation. LEARN from this; if you have been feeling this way before, you might do it again. Instead of believing your illusions, don’t feed it, stop thinking about it and distract yourself with something else. You may team up with a thrust friend, explain that if these feelings come, you must take a phone call to them to shake you out of it. See rule nr 3. examples of nuances. You see you partner talk to a friend. They receive an SMS or a snap.
Listen to hypnosis daily, work on yourself, talk to close friends about it, read through these rules many times and this combination will beat jealousy!