We humans have a lot of behavioral patterns. Things we do, over and over again, repeated behavior, are called patterns. So, often, one of the best ways to predict the future of someone, is to look at their past. Sometimes people have patterns associated with certain themes. Like, being controlling, perfectionism, anxiety, nervousness or paranoia. To stop falling into these themes, you need to change your thoughts and behaviors and do something DIFFERENT in order to shake things up.
The first step is observation. What do you feel, and what do you want to do? Most likely you will follow the same patterns in the same kind of situation. Try to be aware of this, reflect over the situation, and ask a question about, what can I do differently? What do I NOT feel for doing right now? Well, do THAT (of course remember to reflect over “real” consequences)! We are too often controlled by our emotions, and when we look logically on our behaviors and responses in different situations. You can often see that what you do is so often based on emotions: https://abundance7.com/fight-flight-and-other-responses/
Why do you do it then? Simple answer – because emotions drive us, and also because many of us have never analyzed or questioned them. It is hard to change what has not been observed. You can also practice OBSERVING patterns in others, do they have a tendency to react in the same predictable way in the same situations? This is actually a good way to identify one’s own thought and behavior patterns, because of recognition. Another label for patterns is habits, learn more about habits here.
Being unpatterned is about being unpredictable. It is about freedom and the ability to CHOOSE how you want to react. Instead of always reacting with fear, anxiety or jealousy you have other options and alternatives. This is key, look for alternatives and nuances. When looking for other options and nuances and alternatives to the situation, you train yourself to change your perception. In CBT they do this as well: https://abundance7.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/
For example, if a girl does not SMS you back right away, what do you think? What are some options, nuances, and alternatives to your thoughts here?
Count the nuances on your fingers (finding at least 5):
1. Her phone/battery is dead.
2. She is playing hard to get because she likes you.
3. She is super busy, at work, driving a car etc.
4. Problems with the phone company/bad connection etc.
5. She is sleeping or have her phone in silent mode.
Now, what happens when you find some nuances, is that the original thought “She doesn’t like me” suddenly have competition with other alternatives. The TRUTH is, that you don’t know, so why pick only one thought that is negative and thus feels bad?
You can also use patterns to predict the behavior of people. Just look at their past, how did they respond last time? They are probably going to respond the same way the next time in a similar situation also. For example what type of guy did the girl hook up with last time? Are you that “type”? What is her attraction pattern? Do you get positive responses by being funny, sweet talkative, teasing, complimenting her or being unavailable? Whatever works – keep doing THAT!
Examples of breaking your patterns
Instead of always shopping at the same store, go to a different one. If you are at school, sit in another chair. If you always watch action movies, try seeing a romantic comedy or documentary. Do you always listen to techno? Try listening to metal or country. Do you always analyze before downloading a product? Try downloading at RANDOM, and go through it. The same goes for lending a book in the library, just throw some dices at where you are going to pick up your specific book. Change your haircut or clothing styles. Or do as The Dice Man, and let the dice control your entire life.
Drive different routes. Talk to different types of people. Do something you have never done before, go hitchhiking or travel to a different city. If you always smile and say “Hi” when you meet new people, try something different, present yourself as another name, talk a different language, just for the fun of it. Ask your friend to send an SMS for you to a girl you like. And one of my favorites, say NO to sex when with a hot woman.
Conclusion: Find nuances/alternatives to both your thoughts and your behaviors and usual activities. You don’t have to go all “fight club”, changing your religion or sexual orientation! But play a little with it, experiment with it.